Self limiting beliefs are common, but often are negative and destructive. They often hold us back from achieving what we want, and in having effective relationships with other people.
The coaching questions to ask yourself are:
Are some of my beliefs holding me back; would I be better off, more effective and happier by getting rid of some of my self limiting beliefs and instead adopting some more positive, non limiting beliefs?
Following are comparisons between some common rational and irrational beliefs.
| Irrational limiting belief | Rational positive alternative | |
| I must never make mistakes. | The only way to make mistakes is to do nothing. I’m active, and all active people make mistakes. | |
| Other people should not make mistakes. | Non-one’s perfect. I can accept that other people will make mistakes. | |
| Other people make me angry. | I make myself angry when I don’t accept that other people don’t live up to my expectations. | |
| Other people should live up to my expectations. | Other people don’t need to live up to my expectations. | |
| My happiness depends on other people’s behaviour and attitudes. | My happiness comes from within me and does not depend on others. | |
| I must live up to other people’s expectations. | I don’t need to live up to other people’s expectations to be OK. | |
| I must win. | According to the law of averages most people only win 50 percent of the time. I don’t need to win to feel OK. | |
| Life should be fair and just. | Life is not fair and just. | |
| I must get my own way. | I do not need to get my own way to feel OK, and I can sometimes get satisfaction out of letting other people have their own way. | |
| I need other people’s approval to feel OK. | It’s nice to get other people’s approval, but I do not need their approval to feel OK. | |
| I must always please other people. | It’s unrealistic to expect that I can always please other people. | |
| I must never get angry. | It’s OK to be angry sometimes. | |
| I should always be happy. | There is a time to be happy and a time to be sad. | |
| I must not cry. | It’s OK to cry. | |
| I can’t be happy if people misjudge me. | People sometimes will misjudge me. That’s inevitable. But I know that I’m OK and that’s what matters. |