Giving People a Wakeup Call
“Either you deal with it, or it will deal with you!”
Acknowledgement to the Australian Institute of Executive Coaching for this information
Key Steps
STEP 1: SET THE SCENE – STATE THE ISSUE
Take a stand and stick to it! State your concern specifically, be laser clear, express it in fifteen words maximum. Be very specific so that the person can understand exactly what you mean. The more detail you give the less chance they will understand your concern.
STEP 2: INVITE THEM TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUE
Ask for their response. Ask them “What’s happening here?” or “What’s your take on this?” Be sure to separate the issue/concern from the person – ie don’t personalise your comments. Say “my intent is to discuss and resolve the issue, not to attack you personally, so I am inviting you to deal with this issue.”
STEP 3: DETERMINE ACCEPTANCE OR REJECTION OF THE ISSUE
Assess whether they are taking it on board. Ask them what their intent is to help you determine whether they are accepting or rejecting your invitation to discuss and resolve the issue. Observe their response or reaction, watch their eyes, listen for their response and observe their body language. Are they withdrawing, showing aggressive/defensive or constructive/accepting
behaviours?
STEP 4: GAIN ACCEPTANCE OF THE ISSUE/PROBLEM
4a IF THEY ACCEPT your issue and take some ownership you can then move on to discussing alternative solutions to solve the problem or resolve the conflict.
4b IF THEY REJECT your issue and deny any ownership of it through either blaming, avoiding, denying or discounting, you will need to stay on target by dealing with this denial first. Deal with and discuss their emotions first before attempting to discuss possible solutions which may be premature.
Ask them “What specifically do you disagree with?” You can respond with “I don’t know about that, but what I do know is … “ or “this is not a debate”. Say, “(their name), my intent isn’t to attack you personally, it is to invite you to deal with this issue, now let me ask you again …“ Mirror back “Let me see if I’ve got this right; you’re telling me that you take no responsibility for … (negative outcomes / the issue / problem)”.
STEP 5: DISCUSS SOLUTIONS/ OUTCOMES
If there is full or even partial acceptance then discuss possible solutions to get their buy-in and talk about the impact and consequences of each. If no acceptance, quickly end the meeting.
STEP 6: DEVELOP AN ACTION PLAN
Nail down the action steps, agree on a plan of who is to do what by when, and the follow-up details and future discussion dates.