The most effective managers communicate in a style that embraces all of the
skills below, with the exception of the aggressive style (which has no place in any interchange).
These skills and behaviors constitute the foundation for highly effective interpersonal communication skills which need continual practice and fine tuning until they become a natural response which is seen by others as appropriate across a wide range of
situations.
Assertive behaviour
Communications Skills
Self-awareness
Speaking for Self
Inviting disclosure
Checking out
Sharing a meaning
Using the appropriate style
of communication
Assertive behaviour
The presence and effectiveness of people is enhanced when they behave in an assertive way. This helps them to build a ‘base of influence’ and to create an authentic and safe environment for other people.
An assertive way of ‘being’ is a component of an effective manager’s ‘presence’. Some of the indicators of assertiveness are:
- Eye contact
- Upright stance (sitting, standing, walking)
- Firm handshake
- Facial expressions that convey acceptance, authenticity, congruence competency in use of communication skills
- Expressing thoughts, feelings, wants (don’t wants and want instead) in an honest, direct and non-aggressive way
- Relating to others as equals (not less important than or more important than)
- Knowing the difference between passiveness, assertiveness and non-assertiveness and aggression
The application of assertiveness
Managers can be considered role models in what they say and do when interacting with others. They also have a learning/development and coaching role and can help others understand assertive behaviour and how it differs from non-assertive, passive and aggressive behaviours. For many people this is valuable information that can be life-changing in the way they think and behave and how they are perceived by others.
Communication skills
Communication skills are an important foundation upon which personal effectiveness is built. Managers need to have knowledge and understanding of, and advanced level skills in communication.
The purpose for achieving mastery in the use of communication skills is fourfold:
- For the way the manager communicates to staff and others
- For observing communication patterns and styles in individuals and groups
- For bringing the above to the awareness of others
- For coaching staff and others in the use of communication skills
Self-awareness
For the purpose of being an effective communicator, managers must have a finely honed self-awareness with respect to at least six areas:
- senses
- especially what is seen and heard
- feelings (love, hate/disgust, fear, anger, joy and sadness)
- thoughts (ideas, knowledge, opinions, hypotheses)
- wants/don’t wants (the manager may, for instance, want to ask a staff member to do something)
- actions, (past, present and future)
- body sensations (facial expressions, hand gestures, breathing, voice)
Speaking for Self
This has to do with ‘owning” what is said. It means that the words ‘I, me, my and mine’ are used, but mostly it is the use of ‘I’ that is important (instead of the commonly used ‘you’ when talking about ourselves).
Inviting disclosure
This skill is necessary for the process of gathering information and exploring what is happening for the other person. The following skills need to be developed so that they are used appropriately and interchangeably:
Asking closed questions
This is not usually the most effective way to invite disclosure, but there are instances where a response that is either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ is planned so as to lead in a required direction.
Asking open questions
These are more productive and involve starting with, for example: ‘how, where, what, when, in what way?’ Use of ‘why’ questions are not usually effective. As a general guide it is better to avoid them as they are often interpreted as blaming or can lead to overly, longwinded explanations.
Making a statement
This means that you use words so they are not a question but a statement. For example: ‘I’d like you to bring me up to date’ or ‘Tell me what is happening for you with X’.
Prompting
Sometimes a person is stuck for words, or forgets what he/she has said and the manager can prompt, saying, for instance: ‘You were talking about …’, or saying, when the person is tearful: ‘Something seems to be happening for you right now’ (this could lead to further disclosure).
Accenting
The manager may notice that a particular word or phrase has been expressed by the person and this seems significant. The manager decides to explore this further and repeats the word or the phrase.
Silence
Sometimes just by being silent, the person will open up some more. Maybe they just want you to listen to them, to be heard is very powerful.
Checking out
This skill involves the manager making sure that assumptions are not being made, that the person is being accurately understood (or that the manager also is understood accurately by the person). It is very easy to see or hear something that is happening, interpret it out of one’s own frame of reference, and miss the real message. The manager needs to say something like: “I want to make sure I understand you”; “Are you worried about …..?” or “Did you say …..?”; “Let me check out with you; so you mean …..?; or “Let’s see if I’ve got it right; do you mean …..?”
Sharing a meaning
This involves the sender and the receiver of a message making sure that there is mutual understanding about this message. It means that the receiver of the message shares back to the sender in his/her own words what he/she thinks was said and meant. Either the sender or receiver can ask to go through this process, for example: ‘Before we do on, I’d like to tell you what I heard you say’ or ‘I’d like you to tell me what you heard me say’.
Using the appropriate style of communication
There are five main styles of oral communication – ie: the ‘way’ we talk and conduct discussions. These are:
- conversational: no interpersonal tension, anecdotal, giving information, chatting
- light control: teaching, selling, advising, coaching
- heavy control: aggressive language; overbearing, bullying
- searching: this is tentative, explorative, leaves options open
- honest, authentic, open: this occurs when assertive communication in all its aspects is used